Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A crossroads

For a couple weeks now I have been sitting at the junction of the crossroads of my life. Every time I think I have come to a solid decision, something occurs or some random thought appears and I change my mind. I have decided that who I am is who I am. Think "take it or leave it". This is me. I'm not going to apologize for the way I am, because there's nothing wrong with me :) I've tried reconciling myself to how I should be, that I forgot how I should be. Now the opportunity to be me has come about, and I'm hesitant.

Am I hesitant because of what I am leaving behind or hesitant because I'm not familiar with what lies ahead? I have been ready for my life to move forward, eager for it to. And now, I feel more stuck than ever.

I was told I am an amazing person today. I've never thought of myself above "pretty cool". I wish I felt amazing :) I've been thinking on the comment for a few hours now and I have come to the conclusion that it is my past that inhibits me from feeling that way. I do my best to live my life with no regrets, but there are a few. I feel that my past is my shame and embarrassment. It's hard to let go of something that has been carried around for so long. I try looking past it all, but it's like ignoring a blemish on your skin; you always know it's there.

I'm probably making a muddle of all of this so I'll close here. Some of my best ideas come to me in the shower so maybe I'll just go wash my hair LoL

Saturday, March 13, 2010

A random post

Mom and I went shopping today. It was more following her slowly around the mall, but we'll call it "shopping" ;) I did get a new outfit though. It's different than what I usually wear, but I think it's cute. I've lost a little more weight (not that I'm overweight or trying to be super-skinny) so I want to work on my confidence and embrace my girlishness :) Of everything I could not like about myself, it's usually my knees (LoL) that I have the most issue with. Dunno why, but they're puffy in the back...and for a little over $200 my dr. will tell you nothings wrong even though your knees and ankles may swell and cause you pain. Yeah, this year is going to be one of changes :) Or so I say now...it's subject to change ;)

What dog breed are you?

What dog breed are you? I'm a Golden Retriever! Find out at Dogster.com

Original Mary Poppins trailer

Scary Mary Poppins trailer