For a couple weeks now I have been sitting at the junction of the crossroads of my life. Every time I think I have come to a solid decision, something occurs or some random thought appears and I change my mind. I have decided that who I am is who I am. Think "take it or leave it". This is me. I'm not going to apologize for the way I am, because there's nothing wrong with me :) I've tried reconciling myself to how I should be, that I forgot how I should be. Now the opportunity to be me has come about, and I'm hesitant.
Am I hesitant because of what I am leaving behind or hesitant because I'm not familiar with what lies ahead? I have been ready for my life to move forward, eager for it to. And now, I feel more stuck than ever.
I was told I am an amazing person today. I've never thought of myself above "pretty cool". I wish I felt amazing :) I've been thinking on the comment for a few hours now and I have come to the conclusion that it is my past that inhibits me from feeling that way. I do my best to live my life with no regrets, but there are a few. I feel that my past is my shame and embarrassment. It's hard to let go of something that has been carried around for so long. I try looking past it all, but it's like ignoring a blemish on your skin; you always know it's there.
I'm probably making a muddle of all of this so I'll close here. Some of my best ideas come to me in the shower so maybe I'll just go wash my hair LoL